Merriam Webster gives one of its definitions of the word "messy" as 'extremely unpleasant or trying'. Dictionary.com describes it as 'characterized by moral or psychological confusion', which is closer to the definition I seek. As far as I know, there isn't a definition for "messy" or "mess" that accurately characterizes people who purposely put forth effort to cause confusion in the lives of others, nor the situations that arise when these deeds are carried out.
I recently talked to a friend who is dealing with someone who is always in the middle of a messy situation with someone, usually because she is the one who starts it. When this person, whom I shall hereinafter call Sputia, has a disagreement with someone, she enlists the support of everyone she knows in shunning and ostracizing the object of her wrath. Unfortunately, my friend cannot easily cutoff Sputia, and must constantly try to remain neutral so as to keep the peace.
I listened as my friend explained Sputia's latest antics. When it was time for me to respond I said some things that caused me to have to put about $5 in the cuss jar. Without repeating my transgression, I will say that Sputia is an unhappy, evil, ornery, curmudgeonly bully whose goal is to bring distress to anyone she thinks may embark on happiness. She has been this way since I have known her, and I believe her appearance is a reflection of what she has emitted over the years. It has in fact become her essence.
There is a Mr. Sputia. He is just as awful as his wife.
Oh, and I have more than aptly nicknamed her, and that's all I'll say.
I have another friend who is dealing with not one, but two mess-makers. To make matters worse, these two heffas have recently become quite chummy. Unfortunately, my friend is unable to completely escape being in their presence. Mess Maker No. 1 likes to attribute false statements to unsuspecting, innocent people. When the situation blows up in her face, as has been known to happen, there is drama and a whole lot of crying, which is unfortunate for those who must witness this, because ol' girl looks like Tales From the Crypt when she's not crying. I'm serious. She's scary looking. Anyway, Crypt has been spending more time with Mess Maker No. 2, Ms. Uber competitive. Uber is the type who will tell you she's purchased three pairs of shoes if you say you purchased one. She is the type to say she was spotted on the street and offered a modeling gig in Paris. (Giving her the benefit of the doubt, she perhaps would make a nice hand model, but that's it. Then again, I'm sure there are lovely hands all over Paris already). Anyway, Crypt and Uber are toxic on their own, but they have now joined forces to make toxic waste. They get together and lie about themselves and on others, wreaking havoc where they go, not caring for one second that they may hurt someone. In fact, sometimes hurt is their goal. With any luck they'll cancel each other out. Understandably, my friend does not want to be around this negativity. In response to my friend's plight, I referred to them as two, umm, shall we say, farmer's instruments? You know...
Add another .50 to the cuss jar. (I don't believe the farmer's instrument word merits a full 'cuss word' status, and thus I have decided the charge is .50.)
The reasons people are messy are as varied as the ugly situations they create, but there is a common thread. People who create mess are generally unhappy and feel inadequate in some way. I don't know why they never seem to realize their actions will always bring to them the very misfortune they intend for others. Everything you put out into the universe, good or bad, is returned to you. That's just the way it is.
If I discover you are messy, you can best believe that unless it is absolutely necessary, I will not be spending time with you. I will run from you faster than a scalded cat. I choose to be as happy as I can be every day. I take care to treat others the way I want to be treated, and to spend my time with those who feel the same way.
What about you? Are you dealing with the mess of others? Are you one of the mess-makers? What do you choose for yourself?