Nineteen Pieces of Klou

I had been promising to share myself a long time ago, you know, in writing. Recently, Bob shared some information about himself and challenged me and others to do the same, thereby putting some much needed fire under me. This will be an ongoing project, and each time I'll give it a little spin. This time, I have provided my own response to each of Bob's subject matters, and added some of my own. Without further ado, here are 19 elements of me.


What a way to start this off...

1. I have a dirty mouth. A few of you know about the Lenten Cuss Jar. Rather appropriately, I cannot stand to hear people use foul language in public, to hear people curse in front of children, or worse yet, at their children. That goes right through me, and it's a vicious cycle not easily broken. I love the challenge of making my point under heated circumstances without using a naughty word.

2. I respect the religious choices of others, and don’t care for it when people are critical of other people’s choices. Keep that to yourself and mind your business.

3. Every time I tell a lie, it backfires on me. Example: After Katrina, stressed, lonely, overworked and underappreciated, I matter-of-factly told my doctor I felt like killing my insurance claim adjuster and several people in my office. Yep, I said those words. I knew I would never do that, but he didn’t. I wasn’t concerned about the possible repercussions for the statement, either. It was the second lowest point in my life. Unlike the very lowest point in my life, I didn't have the protection of being in shock. Everything worked my nerves. I was burned out and hostile. After he determined I was no harm to myself (that seemed to be all he cared about - love him for that), my doctor prescribed an antidepressant. After reading the side effects, I decided that wine would suffice in seeing me through this dark period (it’s carried me far beyond that). When I returned for a follow up, I couldn't bring myself to tell him I wasn't taking the medication after all that drama, so I lied. When asked, I told him that on a scale of 1-10, I was a six, where I had previously been a two. He immediately said I should be a nine or ten, upped the dosage and scheduled a follow-up, which would include blood work. I was sure to be found out then. This type of thing always happens when I lie, and I do my best to avoid it.

(I never went back for the blood work. He's still my doctor, a very good one, and is himself a little crazy, which I find endearing).

4. High school was probably one of the most painful times of my life. While there were some good times, laughs and memories, there was also a great deal of pain, misery, frustration, rejection, and never feeling like I belonged anywhere. There is not a thing you can offer me to make me relive one day of my high school years, but it no longer makes me sad to look back on it. Why? 'Cause I'm all grown up and happy now, bitches!

5. You want me to come to your defense very quickly? I'm talking, ready to fight any and everybody messing with you? Let me even think you're the underdog. I will slay a dragon for you.

6. At one time in my life, I was a voracious reader. Not so much anymore. I still read, but not like a mad woman. I’d like to say it’s due to having less free time, which is true, but if I lay off social media I’d be reading twice as many books, at least.

7. I don't care for people who don't (or won't) think critically. It's okay not to have an opinion about everything, but I have little tolerance for those who have no opinion about anything, or for those with a herd mentality.

8. Okay, Bob, I have to disagree with you on this one. My relationship with cats is complicated and I will write about it later. I don't think cats are dumb animals, but dogs are smarter, and I have seen exceptions on both counts. I do love kittens. Once they lose their innocence and become cats, not so much. I have a few scars I can show you, put there by my beloved Toby, while I was petting him, mind you. He now resides with my son. I still don't dislike cats, but dogs give generous, unconditional love, and the extra maintenance is worth it. I am a dog person.

9. I have never witnessed the death of anyone. I imagine it to be emotional, very sad, and depending on the circumstances, possessing elements of beauty. I would be scared to die right now, but I hope when that time comes I’ll go into it gracefully.

10. I am a fantastic shower singer, and actually carry a decent tune. One of my childhood fantasies comes to life during this time and has remained unchanged for decades: I am a singing superstar in a slinky, sequined dress that compliments my caramel skin beautifully (yes, I thought this way as a child), sparkles coming from my fingers, my shoes, my earlobes, and in my perfectly coiffed hair. My top singing fantasies vacillate between this one and the one where I'm Chaka Khan. As a matter of fact, I was Chaka Khan just this morning, but I digress. In my fantasies, so outstanding is my voice it causes the audience to look up at me in awe, with pure loving adoration, and I love them right back.

11. I am true foodie. I love good food like I could love the right man, and no, I will not further this sentiment here. I love to cook and dare to say if I cooked for you, whoever you are, you would want little more than to be my bitch. As I write this, I’m laughing but I’m quite serious. I also appreciate good food made by others. Wine, chocolate, colorful salads, the sweet, the tangy, the savory, healthy, fresh, natural foods, I love it all, and I love some of the bad stuff, too, though not like I used to.

12. I can't say I hate nuns, but I generally dislike them. After 13 years of Catholic schools run by some of the most evil ones on this planet, just seeing a nun’s habit causes me to scowl. Even now, sometimes I’ll have a flashback when I pass one on the street, and think to myself how lucky she is I don't carry around some hot lye to fling in her unsuspecting, whiskered face. Are there good nuns? I am sure there are, and the Blessed Mother Theresa stands alone, but I promise you, I have never personally known a nun who wasn't at least a little evil.

13. I was an extremely sensitive, shy, soft hearted child, especially when it came to animals. I cried for days after seeing The Yearling. I was devastated after seeing Old Yeller. They still hold a soft spot for me, and if I think something bad is going to happen to an animal in a movie, I won’t watch it.

14. The older I get, the less I care what people think of me. I'm real from the very beginning, and quite fabulous. If you don't recognize that, it's more than okay.

15. I am not photogenic, and have numerous complaints about my appearance, even though I'm cute. (Well I am!) That being said, there are certain elements I love about myself, won't embellish on this either.

16. I love cheesy, sappy movies during Christmas; completely out of character for me.

17. I am a very complex person. I'm a girly girl who thinks like a man about some things. Fiercely loyal, sensitive, sarcastic and sardonic. I can be generous with a total stranger, but there are some things about which I am unapologetically selfish. As sweet as I am, I can also be the meanest, coldest woman alive if you wrong me or anyone I care about. I would have no compunction turning my back on you if you betray me. I'm pretty cool natured, yet feisty as hell. Most of the time I feel like I can do anything and I have the world on a string, but there are times when I feel quite the opposite. Fortunately, those moments are few and far between.

18. I have such respect and admiration for intense, romantic, devoted love. It is sacred to me. I have not yet met the love of my life and I’ve come to accept that I may not. The older I get the less I’m willing to share important elements of my life, especially my time. Of course, for the right one I’d think differently. I’ll know he’s the right one because our love will be exponential, spilling onto everyone around us, for that’s how he and I shall roll.

19. I absolutely love funny people because baaaaby, I am one funny chica. Ask someone who knows me, or just stick around.

Well, there you have it. I just shared 19 pieces of me. Why nineteen? It's my favorite number, but I guess this disclosure makes it 20 pieces. Isn't that just like me?

The Worst Best Friend

Let me tell you about the worst best friend. Who's that, you say? That would be me, unfortunately. How did I earn this distinction? To adequately explain, I will have to give you some background. You see, I am one of those people who is blessed/cursed with a nearly impeccable memory. I remember incidents that occurred long, long ago with remarkable recall. I can give details, dates, what current events coincided with said incident, who was wearing what, what so-and-so said, who dated who, and I was/am about 95% on point. Sometimes, I get on my own nerves with the things I remember.

My best friend, Mrs. Jovial, is quite the opposite. She looks to me to remember things, and I do. My memory bank is available to her and whoever else may need it. I don't believe my memory has ever let her down. That is, until now. You see, I have done something I have never done the entire length of our friendship.

I forgot my best friend's birthday.

**Sigh**

I remembered two days before. In fact, we were to meet for dinner the night before her birthday, but our plans got canceled. That day, she had a scheduling conflict, I had a crisis on top of being super busy and was occupied from sunrise to sunset. The next day, April 26, was her birthday. I was up early, checked the news and learned of Bea Arthur's death, wrote a post, and went on about my day, again working all the way through until it was time for me to have my tea and watch the No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency. Later that night as I was speaking to a relative, I realized my transgression, but it was too late to call the Jovial home. Besides, who wants a birthday wish that late at night?

The next morning I apologized profusely. Mrs. Jovial was gracious, maybe because sometimes she's just sweet like that. More than likely, it's because she understands what it feels like to forget. I don't know which one it is, but I'm glad she was okay, because the Queen doesn't grovel too well for long. Queenie is however, well versed in the apology. I'll let you figure out why that is.

Without further ado, I am offering the following:

Cocktails

What's your preference, a Cosmo...

Or, a chocolatini?

A magnificent plate of seafood pasta. I'll cook it myself.

Either a lovely almond cake from the best bakery:

Or one I will make myself. Look at those peaks!

For your gift, choose a hot pair of Prada shoes,

Or Jimmy Choo?

Some Music:



Or how about I go way back:

'Member this?



I hope you enjoy this, and know we will celebrate in real life. Ummm, you do know the shoes are given in spirit only, right? Hey, it's the thought that counts.

Happy Birthday, much love, and may you have many, many more.

Are You Eating a Heart-Healthy Diet?

If not, you may want to start making small changes now, for a better quality of life in the future. What are you eating for lunch today?

Red Beans Recipe

Just so you know, they are delicious!

Ingredients

2 tbsp. olive oil

1 onion, chopped

1 bell pepper, chopped

1/2 -1 tsp. cayenne pepper, depending on your 'heat' preference

1/2 tsp. black pepper

1 tsp. dried thyme

2 bay leaves

2 tbsp. chopped or minced garlic

1-2 lbs. seasoning meat*

1 standard package of smoked sausage, sliced to your liking

1 lb package of dried red beans, preferably soaked overnight and drained

9-12 cups of water

1 tsp. salt

Cooked rice

Directions

Heat the olive oil in a large, thick bottomed saucepan over medium heat. Saute the onion and bell pepper for about 5 minutes. Add the bay leaves, cayenne, black pepper, thyme and seasoning meat (not the sausage) and saute for about another 5. Add the beans, garlic, and enough water to cover all ingredients. Bring to a boil, then reduce the heat to medium, and simmer for about two hours. Add water if necessary. Using your spoon and the sides of the pot, mash the beans. Continue to cook, stirring occasionally, for about 1/2 an hour. Add the sausage and cook for another 1/2 hour. At this time, taste to see if salt is necessary. If so, add it to your liking. Cook for another hour, or until the beans are creamy. Again, stir occasionally and add water if it becomes too thick. The mixture should be creamy, almost like a thick soup. Remove bay leaves before serving over rice.

* seasoning ham, ham hocks, smoked turkey necks, pickled meat, pickled rib tips. When considering weight, take into account the weight of any bones. You want one pound of meat. Also, consider that some of this meat is fatter than others, with the turkey being the leanest, of course.

Variations

Many recipes include celery. I'm not fond of the taste of celery, so I didn't add it. Also, I can take or leave parsley and didn't add it this time simply because I was out. Play around with the onion and bell pepper, too. Just get in there and make it yours.

I know someone who added liquid smoke to their beans. They were delicious.

I like to eat my beans with hot sauce, and I use all different kinds. Today, I used Crystal Hot Sauce. For this dish, instead of my all time favorite rice, basmati, I use extra long grain white rice, preferably Uncle Ben's or Zatarain's. A nice piece of warmed French bread would be a perfect finishing touch. If French bread is not available, brown and serve type rolls will do nicely.

I hope you try this recipe, maybe adding your own special touches, and let me know how it turns out. As always, if you have any questions, comment or email me.

Bon appétit!

Red Beans

I know I promised recipes in the future, but here's the thing:

Like most cooks, unless it is a brand new dish, I do not cook with, or follow, a recipe. For the purposes of posting a recipe here, what I will do is cook like I usually do, but measure and write down every ingredient and action. Oh, the lengths I go to for my fans - all 3 of you!

This weekend, I will probably cook red beans. While Monday is the official "Red Bean Day", it's not unusual to have red beans on a Saturday. (Oddly enough, it's not really considered a Sunday meal - I don't know why, it just isn't.) Hopefully I'll have a recipe for you and some pics of the finished product. The picture shown is not my creation, but I chose it because it looks pretty good for restaurant red beans.

Also, I will offer variations of New Orleans style red beans. I have seen recipes from other places that use sugar, carrots, or some other weirdness in their beans. Uh, yeah, they can miss me with that - you will not see that here. I hope you give mine a try and enjoy.

Wine Tasting for Beginners

I know very little about wine, except that I like what I like. So, some friends (who know as much as I do) and I have decided to educate ourselves. Our first wine tasting is set for next month. I'm looking forward to learning about this.

Here's what I've learned thus far:

There are three types of wine tastings:

General Tasting - There are no limitations on the wines that you involve. You may choose to limit the wines to a particular part of the world, or grape variety, or price range, or whatever criteria you select.

Horizontal Tasting - A Horizontal Tasting involves wines from the same vintage. You decide the vintage and any other limitations on the wines involved, such as grape variety, but, the wines will all be from a single vintage. A horizontal tasting is a good way to see which winery was most successful within a given year.

Vertical Tasting - A vertical tasting involves wines from different vintages but all the wines will come from the same winery. If the winery produces more than one type of wine, you would select a single wine from that winery and taste multiple vintages of that wine.

Information courtesy of http://www.cellarnotes.net/.

Dungeness Crab

I absolutely love steamed dungeness crab. That sweet, tender meat dipped in melted butter is just sinfully good. Yes, I know all that butter's not good for you, but I'm happy with it a few times a year. Tell me, do you like dungeness crab?

Just So You Know...

I enjoyed a few forks of my orange amaretto cheesecake, and I do believe I make THE best cheesecake there is. That's all.

King Cake

What are your favorite kinds? Who makes the best one?

Recipes

In case you didn't know, I love to cook. Soon, I will be posting recipes of items I think you might like. I'm open to suggestions. What recipes would you like to see?

The Most Important Meal of the Day

What is a typical breakfast for you? Is it different on the weekends?