This Kid's Got the Moves!

I. LOVE. THIS!

Jennifer Hudson Pregnant?

Miss Hudson, whom I refer to affectionately as Babyface, is reportedly having a baby of her own. I wish her the very, very best of everything.

Who'd like some of this?

Why would anyone think this is attractive? People play too much. And why is he posing from the middle down the same way an attractive woman in pointy stilettos would? I hate him!

Oh, and there are the profiles of others:

looking for a sweet woman to share what i like, must like watching wrestling, hunting fishing ,, oh and the packers. some who is kind, good sence of hummer, who is funny, someone who loves talking... go to a movie, go danceing, go to the new zoo, or cook super at my place and talk, or rent movies and order a pizza, or what ever the ladie wants to do, go walking on the (sic) river trails, or go to (sic) beach walk round and talk, go up to (sic) lodge, go for a bike ride, or go to a park and talk.

I am afraid of any woman who fits the first part of this disastrous profile. Yes, we can make jokes about the hummer, but sence of hummer? If you're not a good speller (that's bad enough, but perhaps I could work around it), would it kill you to spell-check your profile?

Please tell me it will get better. Bob? Clifton?

Please be Advised...

I am giving online dating another try. I already have enough material to write a book. It shall be a comedy with elements of tragedy, or vice versa. I'll keep you posted. Lord help us all.

Nineteen Pieces of Klou

I had been promising to share myself a long time ago, you know, in writing. Recently, Bob shared some information about himself and challenged me and others to do the same, thereby putting some much needed fire under me. This will be an ongoing project, and each time I'll give it a little spin. This time, I have provided my own response to each of Bob's subject matters, and added some of my own. Without further ado, here are 19 elements of me.


What a way to start this off...

1. I have a dirty mouth. A few of you know about the Lenten Cuss Jar. Rather appropriately, I cannot stand to hear people use foul language in public, to hear people curse in front of children, or worse yet, at their children. That goes right through me, and it's a vicious cycle not easily broken. I love the challenge of making my point under heated circumstances without using a naughty word.

2. I respect the religious choices of others, and don’t care for it when people are critical of other people’s choices. Keep that to yourself and mind your business.

3. Every time I tell a lie, it backfires on me. Example: After Katrina, stressed, lonely, overworked and underappreciated, I matter-of-factly told my doctor I felt like killing my insurance claim adjuster and several people in my office. Yep, I said those words. I knew I would never do that, but he didn’t. I wasn’t concerned about the possible repercussions for the statement, either. It was the second lowest point in my life. Unlike the very lowest point in my life, I didn't have the protection of being in shock. Everything worked my nerves. I was burned out and hostile. After he determined I was no harm to myself (that seemed to be all he cared about - love him for that), my doctor prescribed an antidepressant. After reading the side effects, I decided that wine would suffice in seeing me through this dark period (it’s carried me far beyond that). When I returned for a follow up, I couldn't bring myself to tell him I wasn't taking the medication after all that drama, so I lied. When asked, I told him that on a scale of 1-10, I was a six, where I had previously been a two. He immediately said I should be a nine or ten, upped the dosage and scheduled a follow-up, which would include blood work. I was sure to be found out then. This type of thing always happens when I lie, and I do my best to avoid it.

(I never went back for the blood work. He's still my doctor, a very good one, and is himself a little crazy, which I find endearing).

4. High school was probably one of the most painful times of my life. While there were some good times, laughs and memories, there was also a great deal of pain, misery, frustration, rejection, and never feeling like I belonged anywhere. There is not a thing you can offer me to make me relive one day of my high school years, but it no longer makes me sad to look back on it. Why? 'Cause I'm all grown up and happy now, bitches!

5. You want me to come to your defense very quickly? I'm talking, ready to fight any and everybody messing with you? Let me even think you're the underdog. I will slay a dragon for you.

6. At one time in my life, I was a voracious reader. Not so much anymore. I still read, but not like a mad woman. I’d like to say it’s due to having less free time, which is true, but if I lay off social media I’d be reading twice as many books, at least.

7. I don't care for people who don't (or won't) think critically. It's okay not to have an opinion about everything, but I have little tolerance for those who have no opinion about anything, or for those with a herd mentality.

8. Okay, Bob, I have to disagree with you on this one. My relationship with cats is complicated and I will write about it later. I don't think cats are dumb animals, but dogs are smarter, and I have seen exceptions on both counts. I do love kittens. Once they lose their innocence and become cats, not so much. I have a few scars I can show you, put there by my beloved Toby, while I was petting him, mind you. He now resides with my son. I still don't dislike cats, but dogs give generous, unconditional love, and the extra maintenance is worth it. I am a dog person.

9. I have never witnessed the death of anyone. I imagine it to be emotional, very sad, and depending on the circumstances, possessing elements of beauty. I would be scared to die right now, but I hope when that time comes I’ll go into it gracefully.

10. I am a fantastic shower singer, and actually carry a decent tune. One of my childhood fantasies comes to life during this time and has remained unchanged for decades: I am a singing superstar in a slinky, sequined dress that compliments my caramel skin beautifully (yes, I thought this way as a child), sparkles coming from my fingers, my shoes, my earlobes, and in my perfectly coiffed hair. My top singing fantasies vacillate between this one and the one where I'm Chaka Khan. As a matter of fact, I was Chaka Khan just this morning, but I digress. In my fantasies, so outstanding is my voice it causes the audience to look up at me in awe, with pure loving adoration, and I love them right back.

11. I am true foodie. I love good food like I could love the right man, and no, I will not further this sentiment here. I love to cook and dare to say if I cooked for you, whoever you are, you would want little more than to be my bitch. As I write this, I’m laughing but I’m quite serious. I also appreciate good food made by others. Wine, chocolate, colorful salads, the sweet, the tangy, the savory, healthy, fresh, natural foods, I love it all, and I love some of the bad stuff, too, though not like I used to.

12. I can't say I hate nuns, but I generally dislike them. After 13 years of Catholic schools run by some of the most evil ones on this planet, just seeing a nun’s habit causes me to scowl. Even now, sometimes I’ll have a flashback when I pass one on the street, and think to myself how lucky she is I don't carry around some hot lye to fling in her unsuspecting, whiskered face. Are there good nuns? I am sure there are, and the Blessed Mother Theresa stands alone, but I promise you, I have never personally known a nun who wasn't at least a little evil.

13. I was an extremely sensitive, shy, soft hearted child, especially when it came to animals. I cried for days after seeing The Yearling. I was devastated after seeing Old Yeller. They still hold a soft spot for me, and if I think something bad is going to happen to an animal in a movie, I won’t watch it.

14. The older I get, the less I care what people think of me. I'm real from the very beginning, and quite fabulous. If you don't recognize that, it's more than okay.

15. I am not photogenic, and have numerous complaints about my appearance, even though I'm cute. (Well I am!) That being said, there are certain elements I love about myself, won't embellish on this either.

16. I love cheesy, sappy movies during Christmas; completely out of character for me.

17. I am a very complex person. I'm a girly girl who thinks like a man about some things. Fiercely loyal, sensitive, sarcastic and sardonic. I can be generous with a total stranger, but there are some things about which I am unapologetically selfish. As sweet as I am, I can also be the meanest, coldest woman alive if you wrong me or anyone I care about. I would have no compunction turning my back on you if you betray me. I'm pretty cool natured, yet feisty as hell. Most of the time I feel like I can do anything and I have the world on a string, but there are times when I feel quite the opposite. Fortunately, those moments are few and far between.

18. I have such respect and admiration for intense, romantic, devoted love. It is sacred to me. I have not yet met the love of my life and I’ve come to accept that I may not. The older I get the less I’m willing to share important elements of my life, especially my time. Of course, for the right one I’d think differently. I’ll know he’s the right one because our love will be exponential, spilling onto everyone around us, for that’s how he and I shall roll.

19. I absolutely love funny people because baaaaby, I am one funny chica. Ask someone who knows me, or just stick around.

Well, there you have it. I just shared 19 pieces of me. Why nineteen? It's my favorite number, but I guess this disclosure makes it 20 pieces. Isn't that just like me?

Does this Count as a Post?

Okay, I was sick of seeing that woman's crack, as I am sure many of you are. Bad enough I had to see it in real life. Honestly, it's no way to greet my fantastic visitors. Problem is, I don't have time to post right this second. So, feast your eyes on this until I can post properly. Enjoy!

To Whom it May Concern:

When one is dining in a restaurant, or anywhere for that matter, one does not want to see this. Thank you in advance.

Why I Remain Cool When Things Get Noisy...

Study finds sounds scare scrawny people more easily.

NOTE: This is my original artwork. Please do not reproduce without express written permission. I had better not see this masterpiece in your homes.

The Worst Best Friend

Let me tell you about the worst best friend. Who's that, you say? That would be me, unfortunately. How did I earn this distinction? To adequately explain, I will have to give you some background. You see, I am one of those people who is blessed/cursed with a nearly impeccable memory. I remember incidents that occurred long, long ago with remarkable recall. I can give details, dates, what current events coincided with said incident, who was wearing what, what so-and-so said, who dated who, and I was/am about 95% on point. Sometimes, I get on my own nerves with the things I remember.

My best friend, Mrs. Jovial, is quite the opposite. She looks to me to remember things, and I do. My memory bank is available to her and whoever else may need it. I don't believe my memory has ever let her down. That is, until now. You see, I have done something I have never done the entire length of our friendship.

I forgot my best friend's birthday.

**Sigh**

I remembered two days before. In fact, we were to meet for dinner the night before her birthday, but our plans got canceled. That day, she had a scheduling conflict, I had a crisis on top of being super busy and was occupied from sunrise to sunset. The next day, April 26, was her birthday. I was up early, checked the news and learned of Bea Arthur's death, wrote a post, and went on about my day, again working all the way through until it was time for me to have my tea and watch the No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency. Later that night as I was speaking to a relative, I realized my transgression, but it was too late to call the Jovial home. Besides, who wants a birthday wish that late at night?

The next morning I apologized profusely. Mrs. Jovial was gracious, maybe because sometimes she's just sweet like that. More than likely, it's because she understands what it feels like to forget. I don't know which one it is, but I'm glad she was okay, because the Queen doesn't grovel too well for long. Queenie is however, well versed in the apology. I'll let you figure out why that is.

Without further ado, I am offering the following:

Cocktails

What's your preference, a Cosmo...

Or, a chocolatini?

A magnificent plate of seafood pasta. I'll cook it myself.

Either a lovely almond cake from the best bakery:

Or one I will make myself. Look at those peaks!

For your gift, choose a hot pair of Prada shoes,

Or Jimmy Choo?

Some Music:



Or how about I go way back:

'Member this?



I hope you enjoy this, and know we will celebrate in real life. Ummm, you do know the shoes are given in spirit only, right? Hey, it's the thought that counts.

Happy Birthday, much love, and may you have many, many more.

Beatrice Arthur: One of a Kind

I learned very early this morning that Beatrice Arthur died of cancer at 86. She was an award winning actress, singer and comedienne. Her dry wit, independent spirit and impeccable timing made her a personal favorite of mine. As most of you know, one of my favorite movies is Auntie Mame, starring Rosalind Russell. In the second movie version of the Mame Dennis Story starring Lucille Ball and simply titled Mame, Bea Arthur was cast as Vera Charles in the best friend role. I always felt Beatrice should have been cast in the original movie. It would have made an excellent move perfect, I am sure.

Many of you know Arthur as the wisecracking Dorothy Zbornak of the Golden Girls. While I loved Dorothy and the rest of the cast, she will forever be Maude to me. It was one of my favorite sitcoms as a young child (far too young to be tuning in to such a controversial show), and it had a killer theme song to boot (yes, I do know all the words). Maude Findlay was fabulous, strong willed, and funny. Beatrice Arthur made it so. Rest in peace.

Random Thoughts

My roses are growing beautifully. Well, twenty of the twenty-two, that is. Besides some fertilizer last week, and cutting on Good Friday, I haven't really done anything. I can't wait until I really get in there next week. They were beautiful last year, and I'm thinking this year will be even better. I'll have to take pictures.

I am being pulled in many different directions and it seems everything has suffered. I know I can do it all and do it well. It's just a matter of better organization.

Mr. and Mrs. Jovial had a terrible experience recently, due to their precious children having a traumatic experience while mom and dad were out of town. They never leave their kids, and this happens. I feel so bad for them, but I am also grateful, as they are, that their babies are okay. We are all thankful to God for that. I first found out about the incident from a MyS.pac.e bulletin posted by the oldest child.

I have been talking to someone with whom I have very little in common. We are clicking like you wouldn't believe. Story of my life.

I'm very happy I have family coming to visit. I hope the visit is enjoyable comfortable, relaxing, reflective, and everything else she wants it to be.

My car is acting funny.

My new bedroom is more beautiful than I anticipated, and I anticipated it to be beautiful. I am quite pleased.

I have a writing gig! Can't wait to get started.

Sometimes, your family will kick you in the ass worse than a stranger with ill intentions. Sometimes, you have to save yourself from your own family. That makes me sad, but not for one minute will I let it slow me down.

I have begun working out again. Pray for me.

FEMA sent me a letter saying they were removing all the trailers in Orleans Parish as of May 1. According to this letter, I cannot appeal this decision. I laughed at that for about a minute.

I saw a bottle of wine at the supermarket last week and decided to check it out. It's called Gewurztraminer. I enjoyed it thoroughly, with Thai food. I will be purchasing again.

I got the wood floor refinished in the very last room that needed it upstairs - the guest room. It is beautiful, and more shiny than the rest of the floors.

I am currently pleased with my legs. This is something I never say. Now that I'm working out again, they will go back to being the legs I don't like, but they'll be toned, healthy, and take me where I need to go as they always have.

I often think of Idris Elba in an impure manner. Ditto for Chiwetel Ejiofor, with some extra. There's just something about that African-English combo that turns out some beautiful people. Mm-mm-mmm!

Now, I need a glass of water.

I would say I need new people, but I fit right in just where I am:

I called a relative on Good Friday. She told me she watched The Ten Commandments earlier that day. I commented that she did that every Easter and it was a good tradition. There was a loooong pause. She then commented that the Hebrew slaves were very fine.

I found myself agreeing with her. Hey, I already asked you to pray.

Our group is having lunch at one of my favorite restaurants today in commemoration of Administrative Worker's Day.

One of our secretaries received a beautiful heather plant from her boss. I went to sniff it. Something went up my nose and hit the back of my throat. I started coughing and sneezing. Secretary nearly killed herself laughing. I may cut her when my respiratory passages are clear and I can think about it without laughing. This is the stuff that happens to me all the time.

I will be doing the "pieces of me" thing soon, with a little twist I stole from Mark.

I don't understand the desperate behavior of some women. Do you need a man so badly you'll take anything? This is what makes ugly men who don't have much on the ball act like their you-know-what doesn't stink. That burns me up. It makes me want to crush the berries of such "men". Think of your worth, ladies. If you're not treating yourself like a queen, he won't either.

Me? Sometimes I'm a queen, sometimes a princess. More often than not, I am a goddess.

Later,

Dave Brubeck - Get Well Soon!

One of my all time favorite songs is "Take Five", and I admire Dave Brubeck, who strikes me as a good and decent man. If you decide to take a listen, I hope you enjoy this as much as I do.

A Long Awaited Addition to the White House Arrives!

Malia and Sasha get their puppy, a Portugese Water Dog, and have named him "Bo". Isn't he adorable?

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30173033?GT1=43001

Lunchtime Funny - Sent in by G-Jack in Houston:

It's important that you pay attention to table at the the bottom left portion of your screen.

Good Morning!

I will be back to regular posting soon. Very soon. Like, tomorrow at the latest. I have missed blogging (at least from the blogger perspective. I've been on other people's blogs - it's less time consuming to read and comment than to post.) Anyway, if you have any post suggestions, questions, comments, don't be shy. Let me know what you'd like to see here.

Fiance Drops Wedding Ring off Brooklyn Bridge

The story doesn't end badly, though:

http://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local/Oops-Fiancee-Drops-Engagement-Ring-Off-Brooklyn-Bridge.html

Mr. & Mrs. Ryan Moats: A Class Act

I had never heard of Ryan Moats before this unfortunate incident involving a jerk of a police officer. Moats and his wife sound like decent people.

My personal opinion is that Officer Robert Powell has no business being a police officer. This is not his first time pulling a move like this, having arrested the wife of Zachary Thomas a while back.

These are just two instances, and they involve people who are "known". Who knows what other countless irresponsible indiscretions this miserable officer has committed, just because he thinks he can?

My condolences go out to the Moats family.

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=4026897

ShamWow Dude Arrested for Battery on a Hooker

Oh, wait. It gets interesting. There's something about him that always struck me as kinda sleazy (anyone who says "take a look at my nuts" on an infomercial earns at least a side-eye from me), but this smells like a setup...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/03/27/vince-shlomi-shamwow-pitc_n_180210.html

Anything for the Kids

I was reading something on Cliff's Crib, and it made me think of a few things. Before today I didn't know much about Cliff except we share the same hometown and he seems to be quite intelligent. (Also, he was style conscious at a very early age, as you will see.) Today I learned he's a father, and it appears he's an involved one. Now, I don't want to praise him too much, because it would call attention to the fact that there are so many parents falling short of their responsibilities that we've begun to feel all extra about a man simply doing what he's supposed to. I will say it's great when a dad volunteers to read to his daughter's class, especially for the reasons he gives. You never know what's going to stick in a child's mind. His post reminded me of a commercial I see, usually on Saturday mornings, that makes me grin and warms me from the inside out every time I see it.

Talk about involved:

Answering the Call of Duty

I originally posted this on (or about) Feburary 12. This story was featured this morning on the Today Show, and merits a revisit.

Over 40 years ago, firefighter William Carroll saved the life of infant Evangeline Harper. The two never formally met until now. While it has its bittersweet moments, this is a beautiful story.

http://www.boston.com/news/local/massachusetts/articles/2009/02/12/40_years_worth_of_thanks/