Nineteen Pieces of Klou

I had been promising to share myself a long time ago, you know, in writing. Recently, Bob shared some information about himself and challenged me and others to do the same, thereby putting some much needed fire under me. This will be an ongoing project, and each time I'll give it a little spin. This time, I have provided my own response to each of Bob's subject matters, and added some of my own. Without further ado, here are 19 elements of me.


What a way to start this off...

1. I have a dirty mouth. A few of you know about the Lenten Cuss Jar. Rather appropriately, I cannot stand to hear people use foul language in public, to hear people curse in front of children, or worse yet, at their children. That goes right through me, and it's a vicious cycle not easily broken. I love the challenge of making my point under heated circumstances without using a naughty word.

2. I respect the religious choices of others, and don’t care for it when people are critical of other people’s choices. Keep that to yourself and mind your business.

3. Every time I tell a lie, it backfires on me. Example: After Katrina, stressed, lonely, overworked and underappreciated, I matter-of-factly told my doctor I felt like killing my insurance claim adjuster and several people in my office. Yep, I said those words. I knew I would never do that, but he didn’t. I wasn’t concerned about the possible repercussions for the statement, either. It was the second lowest point in my life. Unlike the very lowest point in my life, I didn't have the protection of being in shock. Everything worked my nerves. I was burned out and hostile. After he determined I was no harm to myself (that seemed to be all he cared about - love him for that), my doctor prescribed an antidepressant. After reading the side effects, I decided that wine would suffice in seeing me through this dark period (it’s carried me far beyond that). When I returned for a follow up, I couldn't bring myself to tell him I wasn't taking the medication after all that drama, so I lied. When asked, I told him that on a scale of 1-10, I was a six, where I had previously been a two. He immediately said I should be a nine or ten, upped the dosage and scheduled a follow-up, which would include blood work. I was sure to be found out then. This type of thing always happens when I lie, and I do my best to avoid it.

(I never went back for the blood work. He's still my doctor, a very good one, and is himself a little crazy, which I find endearing).

4. High school was probably one of the most painful times of my life. While there were some good times, laughs and memories, there was also a great deal of pain, misery, frustration, rejection, and never feeling like I belonged anywhere. There is not a thing you can offer me to make me relive one day of my high school years, but it no longer makes me sad to look back on it. Why? 'Cause I'm all grown up and happy now, bitches!

5. You want me to come to your defense very quickly? I'm talking, ready to fight any and everybody messing with you? Let me even think you're the underdog. I will slay a dragon for you.

6. At one time in my life, I was a voracious reader. Not so much anymore. I still read, but not like a mad woman. I’d like to say it’s due to having less free time, which is true, but if I lay off social media I’d be reading twice as many books, at least.

7. I don't care for people who don't (or won't) think critically. It's okay not to have an opinion about everything, but I have little tolerance for those who have no opinion about anything, or for those with a herd mentality.

8. Okay, Bob, I have to disagree with you on this one. My relationship with cats is complicated and I will write about it later. I don't think cats are dumb animals, but dogs are smarter, and I have seen exceptions on both counts. I do love kittens. Once they lose their innocence and become cats, not so much. I have a few scars I can show you, put there by my beloved Toby, while I was petting him, mind you. He now resides with my son. I still don't dislike cats, but dogs give generous, unconditional love, and the extra maintenance is worth it. I am a dog person.

9. I have never witnessed the death of anyone. I imagine it to be emotional, very sad, and depending on the circumstances, possessing elements of beauty. I would be scared to die right now, but I hope when that time comes I’ll go into it gracefully.

10. I am a fantastic shower singer, and actually carry a decent tune. One of my childhood fantasies comes to life during this time and has remained unchanged for decades: I am a singing superstar in a slinky, sequined dress that compliments my caramel skin beautifully (yes, I thought this way as a child), sparkles coming from my fingers, my shoes, my earlobes, and in my perfectly coiffed hair. My top singing fantasies vacillate between this one and the one where I'm Chaka Khan. As a matter of fact, I was Chaka Khan just this morning, but I digress. In my fantasies, so outstanding is my voice it causes the audience to look up at me in awe, with pure loving adoration, and I love them right back.

11. I am true foodie. I love good food like I could love the right man, and no, I will not further this sentiment here. I love to cook and dare to say if I cooked for you, whoever you are, you would want little more than to be my bitch. As I write this, I’m laughing but I’m quite serious. I also appreciate good food made by others. Wine, chocolate, colorful salads, the sweet, the tangy, the savory, healthy, fresh, natural foods, I love it all, and I love some of the bad stuff, too, though not like I used to.

12. I can't say I hate nuns, but I generally dislike them. After 13 years of Catholic schools run by some of the most evil ones on this planet, just seeing a nun’s habit causes me to scowl. Even now, sometimes I’ll have a flashback when I pass one on the street, and think to myself how lucky she is I don't carry around some hot lye to fling in her unsuspecting, whiskered face. Are there good nuns? I am sure there are, and the Blessed Mother Theresa stands alone, but I promise you, I have never personally known a nun who wasn't at least a little evil.

13. I was an extremely sensitive, shy, soft hearted child, especially when it came to animals. I cried for days after seeing The Yearling. I was devastated after seeing Old Yeller. They still hold a soft spot for me, and if I think something bad is going to happen to an animal in a movie, I won’t watch it.

14. The older I get, the less I care what people think of me. I'm real from the very beginning, and quite fabulous. If you don't recognize that, it's more than okay.

15. I am not photogenic, and have numerous complaints about my appearance, even though I'm cute. (Well I am!) That being said, there are certain elements I love about myself, won't embellish on this either.

16. I love cheesy, sappy movies during Christmas; completely out of character for me.

17. I am a very complex person. I'm a girly girl who thinks like a man about some things. Fiercely loyal, sensitive, sarcastic and sardonic. I can be generous with a total stranger, but there are some things about which I am unapologetically selfish. As sweet as I am, I can also be the meanest, coldest woman alive if you wrong me or anyone I care about. I would have no compunction turning my back on you if you betray me. I'm pretty cool natured, yet feisty as hell. Most of the time I feel like I can do anything and I have the world on a string, but there are times when I feel quite the opposite. Fortunately, those moments are few and far between.

18. I have such respect and admiration for intense, romantic, devoted love. It is sacred to me. I have not yet met the love of my life and I’ve come to accept that I may not. The older I get the less I’m willing to share important elements of my life, especially my time. Of course, for the right one I’d think differently. I’ll know he’s the right one because our love will be exponential, spilling onto everyone around us, for that’s how he and I shall roll.

19. I absolutely love funny people because baaaaby, I am one funny chica. Ask someone who knows me, or just stick around.

Well, there you have it. I just shared 19 pieces of me. Why nineteen? It's my favorite number, but I guess this disclosure makes it 20 pieces. Isn't that just like me?